I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
