Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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