I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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