i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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