Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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