im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I understand Curling. That high.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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