He had one of those small greek statue penises
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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