I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
