someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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