508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
