Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
