Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
