id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
