Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Randomize
