Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
