I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Randomize
