Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
That accounts for only three of the penises
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
