omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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