I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
