3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
We don't watch enough power rangers
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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