i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Randomize
