Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
