for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
