in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
