Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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