you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
