I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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