my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Randomize
