I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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