i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
