Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
