im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
