It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
