I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
