Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
