Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
