just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Randomize
