I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
