You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
