Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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