I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize
