Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
