if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
