Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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