Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
