A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize