I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
