im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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