I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
