I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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