I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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