6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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