break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
