Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
ttyl tear gas
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
