Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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