Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
