he wants to bone in the snuggie
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
