i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
