i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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