i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
