Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
