He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
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