I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
