I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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