Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
