Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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