I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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