why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize